Letting off grenades

When IS a good time to let off a grenade? Obviously not when i did!

I got back from last night in time to rush off to my home group's lunch. They are good people, and after today may be all I'm left with. This group consists of people who have been meeting up, religiously, every month or so. They are members of Emmanuel church and held together by the Tamkins, both doctors. Most of the group are medics or similar high flying professions. They generally have fairly fundamentalist views but do entertain more liberal aspects of biblical interpretation, and I think that's what I bring 'to the party'. I enjoy their company and it is always a good humoured event. I got the bus back home and went to bed for a while.

I got up in time for church and took with me a copy of the Quaran. No not to read it out, but to give back to Fee. It was her copy that she'd lent me some time ago. Part of tidying up in order to move on. She arrived after me and went to sit some distance from me. I passed the book back to her and we exchanged nods. The service was much as usual and I left before the end. I was being given a lift.

The lift was to the men's group and this was where the grenade was to be let off.

We have met as a men's group for many years. When people ask me what it does, I tell them it's to explore the meaning of being a man in post-feminist society; to explore manhood, and fatherhood; and to be mutually supportive in time of difficulty. We have been meeting since Jonny was a baby, so about twenty years. There were eight of us to start with but Ian stopped a few years ago. We had long talks about it when he lived with me. He, for one had decided that it wasn't fulfilling any of it's aims, at least for him. I too have been wondering whether I can name how it has influenced me in being a better man, husband or father. I can't. How about support during difficult times? Well yes and no, and maybe. As well as all this Ken is going to be going away in the next few weeks, to be ordained as a Buddhist priest in Thailand, and may never come back. I think it's time for us to consider whether it is any longer viable.

The group started on it's usual 'round robin' of news. Should I bring it up when it's my turn? Well unless I go last some people will have to forgo their news. So I left it until the end. The grenade was thrown. I thought I was asking was us to consider it's viability at the next meeting, so people would have time to think about it. Instead there was an angry outburst, especially from John, supported less violently by the others. Oh dear, that was not the time to drop the grenade, but then when would have been the right time?

Now I'm back from the meeting I'm feeling pretty low and disheartened. Not least because of my room change, which is affecting me more than I thought it would. It's tempting to say sod the lot of them, but I actually quite like some of them. I hope I feel better tomorrow.