Dear Blog,
I know I haven't addressed you in the second person before and have been rather remiss in communicating at all over the last few days.
Yesterday was Catriona's 60th birthday party. Sixty! I mean really, when did that happen. It was a good party and as usual I felt like a guest of honour. Their usual neighbours were round, who, over the years I've got to know. Being their best man has given me a special status in their house, and I like it. Michael gave me a lift there. He's a good lad. I had a nice talk with Sarah. She has now matured into a very sensible young lady. Laura was up but had to go back to Uni as the term has started nad she needs to get essays in. Chris Lloyd, friend, neighbour and also colleague was rather more encouraging about the vision thing. He says that while the existing fibres have been lost you can get recruitment of other fibres for up to a year after injury. So that's hopeful.
I'm thinking of tomorrow as the start of going back to normal as far a work is concerned. I've been arranging appraisals and getting my timetable sorted. Yesterday I wrote an article on angina treatment for a GP magazine. I'm quite pleased with myself for that.
So, off to bed and prepare for tomorrow
Sunday, 17 January 2010
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
The end of one dream
Too much is changing at once. I'm not sure I can cope.
I've decided not to go for the Tuscany dream after all. Well not yet anyway.
I spent my first night in my new room last night. Seems little different to previous room, still unsettling.
I saw my first patients today. Pretty straight forward really, but still tiring.
I'm feeling exhausted tonight.
I've decided not to go for the Tuscany dream after all. Well not yet anyway.
I spent my first night in my new room last night. Seems little different to previous room, still unsettling.
I saw my first patients today. Pretty straight forward really, but still tiring.
I'm feeling exhausted tonight.
Return to routine
Still haven't seen a patient but back to work. This will come soon. I phoned up for an application form for a bus pass and got some photos for it. I'm getting slicker with catching buses. The bus home was at the same time as children were coming home from school. It's pretty intimidating and I was glad they all went upstairs. You wonder if they have learnt etiquette and manners, and respect for others. I think I am a grumpy old man when it comes to this sort of thing.
A return to the humdrum is making me doubt the wisdom of the Tuscany adventure. I'm not sure it's worth investing in something I wont be using fully for another seven years. I don't know. Let's see
A return to the humdrum is making me doubt the wisdom of the Tuscany adventure. I'm not sure it's worth investing in something I wont be using fully for another seven years. I don't know. Let's see
Sunday, 10 January 2010
Letting off grenades
When IS a good time to let off a grenade? Obviously not when i did!
I got back from last night in time to rush off to my home group's lunch. They are good people, and after today may be all I'm left with. This group consists of people who have been meeting up, religiously, every month or so. They are members of Emmanuel church and held together by the Tamkins, both doctors. Most of the group are medics or similar high flying professions. They generally have fairly fundamentalist views but do entertain more liberal aspects of biblical interpretation, and I think that's what I bring 'to the party'. I enjoy their company and it is always a good humoured event. I got the bus back home and went to bed for a while.
I got up in time for church and took with me a copy of the Quaran. No not to read it out, but to give back to Fee. It was her copy that she'd lent me some time ago. Part of tidying up in order to move on. She arrived after me and went to sit some distance from me. I passed the book back to her and we exchanged nods. The service was much as usual and I left before the end. I was being given a lift.
The lift was to the men's group and this was where the grenade was to be let off.
We have met as a men's group for many years. When people ask me what it does, I tell them it's to explore the meaning of being a man in post-feminist society; to explore manhood, and fatherhood; and to be mutually supportive in time of difficulty. We have been meeting since Jonny was a baby, so about twenty years. There were eight of us to start with but Ian stopped a few years ago. We had long talks about it when he lived with me. He, for one had decided that it wasn't fulfilling any of it's aims, at least for him. I too have been wondering whether I can name how it has influenced me in being a better man, husband or father. I can't. How about support during difficult times? Well yes and no, and maybe. As well as all this Ken is going to be going away in the next few weeks, to be ordained as a Buddhist priest in Thailand, and may never come back. I think it's time for us to consider whether it is any longer viable.
The group started on it's usual 'round robin' of news. Should I bring it up when it's my turn? Well unless I go last some people will have to forgo their news. So I left it until the end. The grenade was thrown. I thought I was asking was us to consider it's viability at the next meeting, so people would have time to think about it. Instead there was an angry outburst, especially from John, supported less violently by the others. Oh dear, that was not the time to drop the grenade, but then when would have been the right time?
Now I'm back from the meeting I'm feeling pretty low and disheartened. Not least because of my room change, which is affecting me more than I thought it would. It's tempting to say sod the lot of them, but I actually quite like some of them. I hope I feel better tomorrow.
I got back from last night in time to rush off to my home group's lunch. They are good people, and after today may be all I'm left with. This group consists of people who have been meeting up, religiously, every month or so. They are members of Emmanuel church and held together by the Tamkins, both doctors. Most of the group are medics or similar high flying professions. They generally have fairly fundamentalist views but do entertain more liberal aspects of biblical interpretation, and I think that's what I bring 'to the party'. I enjoy their company and it is always a good humoured event. I got the bus back home and went to bed for a while.
I got up in time for church and took with me a copy of the Quaran. No not to read it out, but to give back to Fee. It was her copy that she'd lent me some time ago. Part of tidying up in order to move on. She arrived after me and went to sit some distance from me. I passed the book back to her and we exchanged nods. The service was much as usual and I left before the end. I was being given a lift.
The lift was to the men's group and this was where the grenade was to be let off.
We have met as a men's group for many years. When people ask me what it does, I tell them it's to explore the meaning of being a man in post-feminist society; to explore manhood, and fatherhood; and to be mutually supportive in time of difficulty. We have been meeting since Jonny was a baby, so about twenty years. There were eight of us to start with but Ian stopped a few years ago. We had long talks about it when he lived with me. He, for one had decided that it wasn't fulfilling any of it's aims, at least for him. I too have been wondering whether I can name how it has influenced me in being a better man, husband or father. I can't. How about support during difficult times? Well yes and no, and maybe. As well as all this Ken is going to be going away in the next few weeks, to be ordained as a Buddhist priest in Thailand, and may never come back. I think it's time for us to consider whether it is any longer viable.
The group started on it's usual 'round robin' of news. Should I bring it up when it's my turn? Well unless I go last some people will have to forgo their news. So I left it until the end. The grenade was thrown. I thought I was asking was us to consider it's viability at the next meeting, so people would have time to think about it. Instead there was an angry outburst, especially from John, supported less violently by the others. Oh dear, that was not the time to drop the grenade, but then when would have been the right time?
Now I'm back from the meeting I'm feeling pretty low and disheartened. Not least because of my room change, which is affecting me more than I thought it would. It's tempting to say sod the lot of them, but I actually quite like some of them. I hope I feel better tomorrow.
Saturday, 9 January 2010
Changing rooms
I'm moving rooms today. It is a strange feeling. It is like moving house, but cheaper and quicker. Emotionally though, it is still very odd. Apart from that, everything else is changing too, which is adding to the oddness. I have a new girlfriend; by the end of the week I shall have a new housemate/lodger; the relationship with my partners is changing; I can't look forward to skiing which I normally would at this time of year; my career outside the practice is still a bit up in the air; my ex-wife, mother of children, is doing her usual periodic thing about money; I can't drive. So I'm not sure if I'm sad about the passing of an era, or excited about the future.
The Tuscany adventure has taken a turn in an odd direction. Rachel reminded me that actually I'd always wanted to have a house in France and suddenly I thought that maybe I should be looking at houses in France rather than Tuscany. We're going to Pisa next week anyway, so will look at those properties but then perhaps compare them with the ones on offer in France.
At work there have been heavy discussions about the future of the practice and indeed the partnership. I'm very grateful to them, of course, for letting me take time off to see Australia, but now we are back I want to look forward to the future. I don't want to coast to retirement, as I suspect my partners do. I might as well retire now as do that. I have a vision of six days a week provision of care, form eight-til-eight. It seems to me it's what the public wants, what the government want, what we need to do to maximise the use of our building. So I will need to persuade them that this will mean no more work for them, just a redistribution, and that we shall at last enter the 21st century in service provision. Whilst one partner listens, the other glazes over and looks weary. This is going to be a struggle. Coasting is not an option though and if necessary I will leave them behind.
So back to today and moving out of my room. I've been here over five years. Leaving it makes me reflect on the last five years or so. Relationships mainly. Outside the window there is still lots of snow and ice. I like views from windows. The same buildings and the same trees, changed only by the seasons is reassuring. But, as we say in medicine, 'stasis equals sepsis'. So changing rooms seems somehow appropriate, a metaphor for a new anxious and exciting next phase/chapter/era. Who knows, perhaps the last.
The Tuscany adventure has taken a turn in an odd direction. Rachel reminded me that actually I'd always wanted to have a house in France and suddenly I thought that maybe I should be looking at houses in France rather than Tuscany. We're going to Pisa next week anyway, so will look at those properties but then perhaps compare them with the ones on offer in France.
At work there have been heavy discussions about the future of the practice and indeed the partnership. I'm very grateful to them, of course, for letting me take time off to see Australia, but now we are back I want to look forward to the future. I don't want to coast to retirement, as I suspect my partners do. I might as well retire now as do that. I have a vision of six days a week provision of care, form eight-til-eight. It seems to me it's what the public wants, what the government want, what we need to do to maximise the use of our building. So I will need to persuade them that this will mean no more work for them, just a redistribution, and that we shall at last enter the 21st century in service provision. Whilst one partner listens, the other glazes over and looks weary. This is going to be a struggle. Coasting is not an option though and if necessary I will leave them behind.
So back to today and moving out of my room. I've been here over five years. Leaving it makes me reflect on the last five years or so. Relationships mainly. Outside the window there is still lots of snow and ice. I like views from windows. The same buildings and the same trees, changed only by the seasons is reassuring. But, as we say in medicine, 'stasis equals sepsis'. So changing rooms seems somehow appropriate, a metaphor for a new anxious and exciting next phase/chapter/era. Who knows, perhaps the last.
Friday, 8 January 2010
Wednesday, 6 January 2010
First session on angina management went well, even though only seven turned up. Good discussion but will it make a difference?
Brian rang. He's moving in on Wednesday next week. I wonder what it'll be like having a proper paying lodger. I learnt that you can claim for various things against tax when you have a lodger, including Sky TV subscription and furniture.
Brian rang. He's moving in on Wednesday next week. I wonder what it'll be like having a proper paying lodger. I learnt that you can claim for various things against tax when you have a lodger, including Sky TV subscription and furniture.
Tuesday, 5 January 2010
Snowed in but not snowed under
I have never seen as much snow in Manchester in all the 30 years I've lived here. The buses have stopped running and every thing is very quiet.
Then I got a text from Brian. Brian would like to have a look at the room I've advertised for rent. I give him a call.
Seems like a nice boy on the phone. He's been signed up for Northwich Victoria and needs to move in somewhere ASAP. He's going to stay with his grandmother in Wrexham until he finds somewhere. His friend Tim lives in Chorlton and will drive him round.
I think he likes the room, especially the Sky TV and sports channels. He plays central midfield - my position, so I'll be able to give him some advice. Anyway he's going to view another couple of places and will get back to me. I think he's sold on it though. We'll see.
Meanwhile I need to focus on 1. the cardiology teaching I'm giving, 2. a paper on cardiology for a journal, 3. the new chest pain pathway and other cardiology symptom pathways, 4. which houses to view in Tuscany, 5. it the appraisal season also. It's all go, but I'm enjoying it
Brian text. He liked the room and could he phone tomorrow again, if the room is still available. I told him we would like to have him stay with us and to phone to finalise details. Now all I have to do is move rooms. I was going to have to down size anyway if I'm to afford the Tuscany dream, so effectively I'm occupying the ground and first floors, and renting out the top two room. Well, all taken into account, a pretty good deal.
Then I got a text from Brian. Brian would like to have a look at the room I've advertised for rent. I give him a call.
Seems like a nice boy on the phone. He's been signed up for Northwich Victoria and needs to move in somewhere ASAP. He's going to stay with his grandmother in Wrexham until he finds somewhere. His friend Tim lives in Chorlton and will drive him round.
I think he likes the room, especially the Sky TV and sports channels. He plays central midfield - my position, so I'll be able to give him some advice. Anyway he's going to view another couple of places and will get back to me. I think he's sold on it though. We'll see.
Meanwhile I need to focus on 1. the cardiology teaching I'm giving, 2. a paper on cardiology for a journal, 3. the new chest pain pathway and other cardiology symptom pathways, 4. which houses to view in Tuscany, 5. it the appraisal season also. It's all go, but I'm enjoying it
Brian text. He liked the room and could he phone tomorrow again, if the room is still available. I told him we would like to have him stay with us and to phone to finalise details. Now all I have to do is move rooms. I was going to have to down size anyway if I'm to afford the Tuscany dream, so effectively I'm occupying the ground and first floors, and renting out the top two room. Well, all taken into account, a pretty good deal.
Monday, 4 January 2010
The first Monday of 2010
Got the bus into work today. The first of the year, and time to get back into a routine. It took an hour to get through the ice and traffic. Then a lunch time I went into Chorlton for lunch. I slipped on the ice and now have a painful wrist and sore hip.
I was more anxious than I thought I'd be, going into work. I wasn't even seeing patients.
I was more anxious than I thought I'd be, going into work. I wasn't even seeing patients.
Sunday, 3 January 2010
Tim's Birthday
Well how many times can you be 35 again? I'm not sure what today holds but we shall see. Just been to church and that's helped a bit. They were all very welcoming and asking about how I'd got on in Australia. They are a sweet lot. Some people, without knowing the congregation, have made assumptions about them, notable the Vicar of Old Trafford and men's group friend of mine. The assumptions are based on his knowledge of the former rector and the fact that Emmanuel is in Didsbury. He is wrong to make those assumptions. I do feel at home there and can genuinely say I've missed the services and 'fellowship', as they say in these circles. However, I shall continue to attend the morning service from now on, rather than the evening.
On this day Leeds United beat Manchester United in the third round of the FA cup. What more coult possibly go wrong?
On this day Leeds United beat Manchester United in the third round of the FA cup. What more coult possibly go wrong?
Saturday, 2 January 2010
Time to get serious
The New Year has started with a bang, well with a couple of issues coming to a head. The main one was that Avril convened a meeting of the partners. We had a free and robust exchange of views and came to a consensus about the way forward. It is going to need someone to mediate. So you can read between the lines I'm sure, but we're all determined to make it work, at least that's what we said.
Word is out that I'm seeing Heidi, albeit only just. The cat is out of the bag. Feathers have been ruffled but so far the fur isn't flying. Sleeping dogs have been woken, and the bear with the sore ear is on the prowl.
Welcome to 2010
Word is out that I'm seeing Heidi, albeit only just. The cat is out of the bag. Feathers have been ruffled but so far the fur isn't flying. Sleeping dogs have been woken, and the bear with the sore ear is on the prowl.
Welcome to 2010
Friday, 1 January 2010
New Years Day 2010
Dr Who is on, a back episode which, surprisingly I hadn't seen before. The one with Peter Kay in as an absorberthrong or something. I love Dr Who.
I don't know what's happened to the last couple of days. I feel as if I've been in a time warp myself. We had a New Years Eve party of course. At my house , of course, and it was all a bit mad really. The last couple of years has been pretty low key. It's always too loud, too noisy, too boozy, and too difficult to get home, so I've usually preferred an early night. This year is different. I'm single again, well briefly. Now I'm still feeling a little delicate. I was going to a dinner party with Heidi and Nick and others, but I just don't feel up to it. I'm having a vegetating day... I can't believe it, now I'm actually watching Eastenders.
So who was there at the party? Tim and Jen of course. It was going to be at theirs but I suggested having it at mine. No idea why. Their niece, Rebbecca, and her boyfriend. Jamie and girlfriend. Heidi, Nick and his new lady, Jo. Gary was there for a while, then disappeared. PK came, but Janey was working. Brian, Mike, and lots of beer and wine. I made a special rum punch, not for the drivers. Actually there weren't any drivers. I think a good time was had by all. Afterwards, at about 2am a taxi came for some, and the rest walked home. I suppose they all got back all right.
Ade and Sue phoned, just now. I love them both, and they love each other very much, a great couple. As they read my blog, I better not say any more, but I'm so proud of them both. I wish them both a fabulous new year and life together.
New year resolutions. Alcohol only twice a week. Cycle into work. Get back to 83Kg. Buy a house in Tuscany. Progress the Cardiology tier 2 work. All nearly smart intentions.
There's a new Dr Who for this new year. His eleventh incarnation has been introduced to us in today's episode. Time for a new incarnation of Dr Ivan. This one wont be able to drive or join in the football and skiing, a little older and will be a little less trusting in the work arena. One who is winding down to retirement.
I don't know what's happened to the last couple of days. I feel as if I've been in a time warp myself. We had a New Years Eve party of course. At my house , of course, and it was all a bit mad really. The last couple of years has been pretty low key. It's always too loud, too noisy, too boozy, and too difficult to get home, so I've usually preferred an early night. This year is different. I'm single again, well briefly. Now I'm still feeling a little delicate. I was going to a dinner party with Heidi and Nick and others, but I just don't feel up to it. I'm having a vegetating day... I can't believe it, now I'm actually watching Eastenders.
So who was there at the party? Tim and Jen of course. It was going to be at theirs but I suggested having it at mine. No idea why. Their niece, Rebbecca, and her boyfriend. Jamie and girlfriend. Heidi, Nick and his new lady, Jo. Gary was there for a while, then disappeared. PK came, but Janey was working. Brian, Mike, and lots of beer and wine. I made a special rum punch, not for the drivers. Actually there weren't any drivers. I think a good time was had by all. Afterwards, at about 2am a taxi came for some, and the rest walked home. I suppose they all got back all right.
Ade and Sue phoned, just now. I love them both, and they love each other very much, a great couple. As they read my blog, I better not say any more, but I'm so proud of them both. I wish them both a fabulous new year and life together.
New year resolutions. Alcohol only twice a week. Cycle into work. Get back to 83Kg. Buy a house in Tuscany. Progress the Cardiology tier 2 work. All nearly smart intentions.
There's a new Dr Who for this new year. His eleventh incarnation has been introduced to us in today's episode. Time for a new incarnation of Dr Ivan. This one wont be able to drive or join in the football and skiing, a little older and will be a little less trusting in the work arena. One who is winding down to retirement.
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